he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
