My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
