Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
