Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
