Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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