Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
