just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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