dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
ttyl tear gas
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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