The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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