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So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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