Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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