Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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