If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
