I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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