I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I just shit out all my problems.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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