She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
