i don't like sucking hair
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
