Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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