I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
