Apparently you make a good broom.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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