I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
