I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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