i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
