He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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