I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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