Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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