i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
