youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
