Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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