to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I could fuck to npr.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
