why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
