It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
