youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
