im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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