So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
