I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
