I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
