I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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