When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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