I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
