There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
