he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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