Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
