Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
