there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
