hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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