1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
