When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
