I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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