She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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