One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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