Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
