yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
