She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize