someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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