I want to have your abortion
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
