y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
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Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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