You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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