Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just found a bag of teeth...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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