My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
