yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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