He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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