Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
