If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
