M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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