I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
