Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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