Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
