Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
