she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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