WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
