Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How does one acquire holy water?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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