bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
