I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
