put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
