I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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