it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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