I've blown a few things in my day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
