The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i barfeds in our rink
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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