if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The uberlube is also flammable
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
